He Dumped Me, But We Still Live Together
Kumusta Tita,
My boyfriend of five years broke up with me.
He said he’s no longer romantically/sexually attracted to me. This was so out of the blue and completely unexpected. The problem I’m facing, Tita, is that we live together. He said he wants to remain friends, and while I do still want to be his friend, it’s very difficult because he’s already pursuing someone else.
Do you have any advice on how to get over him faster?
Signed,
Trapped and Yearning
Hey TY,
Holy fucking shit, how are you not more angry at him? He sounds like if Satan had a talking asshole and that asshole has a talking pimple and he would be that pimple. What an absolute dick. I’m so sorry. If you need him murdered and want it to look like an accident, text me. I know a guy.
I want to acknowledge the absolute insanity and difficult of your situation. You’ve been together for five years which is like twenty years in gay time. Then he breaks up with you because he just wasn’t feeling it anymore? Unreal.
Okay, in his defense I can be that cunty too. But only if they deserve it!
This reminds me of the before times when relationships were falling apart during lockdown, and exes were stuck together. Couples were breaking up and divorces were underway, yet you still have to live with them. If I were you, I’d kick his ass to the curb and let the door hit him square in the back. But you’re not as heartless as I am, TY.
I don’t know what your living situation is. Like do you rent or have a mortgage? That can probably make you feel like you’re trapped out of financial/legal obligation. But to be trapped with your heartless ex can drain the fuck out of you. I’m just gonna say it straight up: there’s no quick and easy way to get over him.
Sadly I do not have a How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days style manual. There’s just no tried and true method to forget your feelings for him overnight. What I can tell you that it does get easier. With time. Lots of time. When I was heartbroken, I felt the rage and the sadness and the pain all balled in to one big mess. It felt like it would never go away. But given enough time, I started to feel like the bad bitch that I was again. But it was really the process it took me to get there that I reveled in.
You are in a sticky situation where you live with your ex. This will definitely make things more difficult for you to move on. However, it’s not impossible. I hope you’re able to do this, but I would highly suggest you move out. Or kick him out. Either way, physical distance is what you need right now. Outta sight, outta mind, and all that shit.
If that’s not possible, then a period of no contact is paramount to healing. Again, quite difficult when you live under the same roof. I know you both said that you want to be friends, but I don’t believe in that bullshit one bit. You can’t be friends what with him finding someone so quickly and you still harboring all these feelings. Instead, you’re going to have to treat him like a roommate. And no, not the porn kind. An actual roommate where he has to pay his half of the rent and pick up after himself. Your communication should strictly be mundane and bland. Not only will this help create some emotional distance from him, but this will also help you rediscover who you are as an individual before you met him.
That’s the main crux of breakups, really. How do we find who we are when we’re no longer in a relationship? Who were we before we started dating? We were fine then, we’ll be fine now. So I ask you, TY: who were you before you were dating this asshole? What were you passionate about? What makes you tick? What are the things that you like to do by yourself? The dopamine supply from the relationship has run out, so we need to supply that for ourselves. Do what makes you happy. Go see your friends. Take a pottery class and Patrick Swayze a cute guy. Go back on the apps. If meaningless casual sex is your jive, go for it! Find that joy again.
Breakups are never easy especially when that someone is so close to us, physically and emotionally. You’ve spent a lot of time together, and you’re going to be in each others’ orbit for a little more time. Healing will take time, TY. It’s going to be a difficult and bumpy road, but it’s so much smoother when you get to the other side. When you find your individuality outside of a relationship, that can be the best revenge and you will win the breakup!!!! And if that happiness as an individual crap fails, then you can always have revenge sex by sleeping with his dates.
Mahal Kita,
Tita Slut
