Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word
Kumusta Tita Slut,
I think I’m falling out of love with my boyfriend. We’ve been together for 3 years and, for the lack of a better term, he was a loser when I got with him at the start. Since we’ve been together he’s done remarkable changes for himself like getting his driver’s license, quitting smoking, gone back to school, and went back to work. He is sweet to me, but honestly it feels like our relationship is stagnating.
We don’t have meaningful conversations anymore; just one word responses. I’m bored whenever I go over to his place. The sex can be fun, but I think I’m no longer physically attracted to him. It’s getting tough now because he got a job at the same place I work at, and we’ve been talking recently about me moving in with him. I don’t think I want to go through with it. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Crazy Out of Love
Hey C.O.O.L.,
Judging by the way you called him a loser, are you one of those people that meet a guy so that you “can fix him?” Because, girl, same. Give me a broken man any day. Oh, my god. Daddy issues? My legs are wide open. You have unresolved trauma? What a fancy way to propose, but I accept. Girl, what did you see in him? Are you attracted to losers? Did you find the ugliest man so you can feel good about yourself? It’s okay if you did. I’m guilty of the same crime. About thrice over. But I digress.
Okay. So you feel the dynamic in the relationship has changed. Let’s unpack that. What exactly has changed? What enticed you about him three years ago that is no longer there? Is it because he’s getting his life together? If that’s the case, then you really area bum chaser — going after sub-par men in an effort to fix them to sate your savior complex so that you can feel good about yourself through the worthlessness of others. Not cool.
You said you’re not longer physically attracted to him. Did his weight change in any way? Plastic surgery? Change in muscle mass? It’s not your fault what you are and aren’t attracted to. But you have to tell him. Put on your big girl panties and say that it’s not working for you. Sure, it will make you seem like a shallow bitch, but news flash: we’re all shallow bitches. He’s gonna have to suck it up.
There’s also the possibility that you’re bored now because it’s no longer a honeymoon phase. I get it, babe. All the mystery is gone, and you feel like the spice has dissipated. Could it be that you’re coworkers now? I don’t know about you, but I would get tired of seeing my boyfriend at my place of work. That’s the reason why I only sleep with people I work with and never date them. And we do it in the company bathroom. (You read nothing, Katie from HR.) Mystery keeps the spark alive. Our curious lizard brains crave variety and change much in the same way we get bored of having the same ice cream flavor all the time, or why I constantly need to put my fuck buddies in a rotation. Because I know I’ll get bored of it.
Variety is the spice of life. Change it up. Try a new sex position, make it a threesome, buy a new toy. The reason we’re so enamored by a new flame is because it’s full of mystery. We’re just getting to know them. New is exciting. Ignorance is bliss. Try scheduling a date night, and ask questions that aren’t just your garden variety “what’s your favorite movie.” No, go deeper. Ask something creative like, “If you could have a threesome with two other people in the world, dead or alive, who would it be?” I mean, even the classic Fuck-Marry-Kill game is fun. Reigniting that mystery and curiosity will help keep the passion alive. Those are some of the key elements in maintaining a long and meaningful relationship. That is, of course, if that’s what you want.
There’s also the possibility that you don’t want to keep this relationship anymore. It’s not giving you what you need. It’s giving Cher when it should give Britney. You need to ask yourself what you want in a relationship. What are some of the things you look for and need in a relationship that this current one is not giving? Is it worth breaking up? You said you don’t want to move in with him. Why? Is it because you’re not ready for that commitment? Maybe you’re not meant for monogamy. Explore polyamory or an open relationship. Or maybe you’re just two different people than you were three years ago and are no longer compatible now. Maybe it is time to part ways. Cinch your waist, tighten your tuck, and break the news to him.
Whatever the case may be, you need to tell him, girl. It’s not fair to either of you. I remember when I stuck it out with a guy I didn’t like for a year and a half. Sure he had a big dick, and lots of money, and owned a mansion, and had five cars and a boat, and did all the cooking and cleaning. But he listened to Coldplay. And that’s not something I am willing to put myself through for any man. Oh, and he liked doing TikTok dances. Poorly, if I may add. The point is that when a relationship no longer serves you and you’ve explored all the other options and exhausted all rooms for improvement and still nothing can be resolved with your emotional discomfort, then time to dump his ass.
Relationships take work. If you’re not willing to do the work, whether it’s trying to rekindle the flame or breaking the bad news, then you’re not ready to be in a relationship. Even if he is sweet to you. Be kind to him and yourself even if that kindness can sting a little.
Mahal kita,
Tita Slut
P.S. If you do end up dumping him, send him my way. I need a man to fix. My ego is in need of a boost.
