A Side Quest
Kumusta Tita Slut,
There is this one guy I’ve been talking to. We’ve been meeting and hooking up for quite a while now. He has a boyfriend, and yes they’re open. We initially agreed to keep things strictly casual and physical and nothing serious. The things is, tita, is that I’m starting to develop feelings for him despite the fact that he is committed to his boyfriend. I’m keeping whatever feelings I have for him to the side, so basically we’re friends with benefits. I’m happy whenever I’m with him, and I really enjoy his company. I just can’t seem to get him out of my head. I want to tell him how I feel, but I’m scared that it will make things awkward between us.
The other day he did something that really made me melt. We were out getting dinner and some bubble tea after sex, and he wiped a smudge off my cheek. It caught me off guard and it made me giggly. And then he sweeps me off my feet with the way he smiled after hearing me giggle. I feel so safe and happy whenever I’m with him, but I don’t want to ruin anything between us or between him and his boyfriend. Do I keep this bottled up inside and not rock the boat, or should I tell him how I really feel?
Best,
Side Dish
Hey Side Dish,
I can tell you’re gay because nothing is gayer than unrequited love. We love yearning, and we love feelings that are never reciprocated.
Why can’t sex ever just be about sex and not get feelings involved? I hate emotions. I haven’t felt anything for men since boyfriend number 3, and look where I am now? Surrounded by alcohol, sex toys, men lined up wanting to fuck me. It’s great! Is my sex life awesome? Yup! Am I happy? I sure as hell am not, but at least I don’t have to worry about falling in love. Okay, Tita sounds a little jaded, I’ll admit that. But at least I don’t have to worry about some man because we all know they’re nothing but dramatic. My advice? Leave him, sis. Leave now while you can! Don’t do it, girl.
Probably not what you wanted to hear? Okay, let’s try it your way.
What happens when you keep your feelings bottled up inside? You’re already in deep with this man, but you don’t want to ruin a good thing. Good for you, I guess? You can keep having sex with him and keep going on these cute little dates, but that’s all it’s ever going to be. Friends who just do fun shit together. It’s nice that you want to keep things stable between everyone involved, but you don’t really get any brownie points for me if you’re not taking care of yourself first. If you don’t want to rock the boat, then you’re going to have to find a way to be okay with keeping things between you and him as platonic as possible.
But after reading your letter that doesn’t seem to be the case, does it? Your feelings of affection and admiration will eventually turn to feelings of anger and resentment because “WHY CAN’T HE LOVE MEEEEE!!!!!” You’ll find that your deep feelings of love will inevitably turn to more yearning and pain for the days to come the more you keep that shit bottled inside. Ever been constipated? That shit has to go somewhere, so it’s not staying in. You’ll find that if you stay in a constant state of “will he won’t he” you’re staying on this roller coaster of emotions that’s never going to stop shaking you. But again, if you’re okay with keeping the waters calm while you battle your own inner storm, that’s your business.
So let’s look at the other option: letting him know how you feel. I’ll start with a quick little story because I have to find a way to make this all about myself. If I don’t have at least one narcissistic flare up, am I even a good tita? So one time I was at the bar with some mutual friends of mine, and they introduced me to this beautiful and gorgeous tall man. He took my breath away so much that I got shy. Yes, Tita gets shy sometimes too, leave me be. He had a bald head, aquiline nose, piercing blue eyes. Needless to say I wanted to fuck this man’s brains out right on the bar table until my bussy sends him to the emergency room. After a few shots of liquid courage and a couple hours of conversation with Dollar Store Vin Diesel, I was finally brave enough to tell him how I really felt. I told him how I found him sexually attractive and hopefully we can hook up one day. He told me that he didn’t feel the same way, but he wants to be my friend and go for a coffee some time. Obviously I was disappointed. Not the answer I wanted to hear, but the answer I needed to hear. See where I’m going with this?
If you let him know how you feel, you’ll finally be able to get the answer that you need. Who knows? The best case scenario would be that he may be down for a polyamorous situation. I assume you gays know how poly works, so I’ll leave that up to you. Worst case scenario? Shit gets awkward, you break up, you don’t get to have amazing sex, the world ends, the entire world splits in half, and the four horsemen of the apocalypse finally takes over meaning there’s no men to even worry about because we’re all dead. Most likely scenario? You tell him about your feelings, he says he’s not in to you like that but still wants to keep fucking you and going on dates, you’ll be disappointed for a little bit and feel all your sadness, but at least it gives you the closure you need giving you a chance to re-evaluate what you want out of your relationships and find yourself a man who wants to emotionally commit to you the same way you want to commit to him.
Telling people how we really feel is so fucking scary because we’re literally so vulnerable and laying it all on the table. But if you’re anything like Tita’s butthole, you will recover from the damage and you will rise like a phoenix from the ashes. Unreciprocated feelings are not the end of the world, and more people need to get that stuck in their fucking heads. Yeah it will suck, but at least you get to move forward with your life. You deserve a relationship that does a body, mind, and spirit good, honey. Don’t hold back your feelings.
The only thing you should be holding back is your hair as you dry heave over the toilet after taking too many tequila shots. Hm. In retrospect, that’s probably why he didn’t want to fuck me.
Mahal kita,
Tita Slut
